Some Thoughts

I promised more updates, my schedule has been pretty packed lately but time to put one up.

I've been posting mostly facts (to the best of my ability... but remember to always double check with the school!), but not so much about how I feel.

So let's try that.  Let's talk fears.

I'm currently in my last full semester before applying.  This is pretty much the end of one period of my life, and the beginning of a transition to another.  A period of my life that's taken a looong time to end.  I've talked about how I screwed up in the past, and I don't know if I can show an admissions committee that I have what it takes to handle pharmacy school.

Another big fear I have is that I have no plan on how to pay for pharmacy school if I do get accepted.  Pharmacy school isn't cheap, and costs are only rising.  My credit is not that good, so I don't know how that's going to affect loans.  So I'm afraid that should I actually get accepted, it'll be as if I ran a race and somehow beat the others that no one thought could be beaten... only to trip on my shoe lace right at the finish.  (Or insert the ending to Cool Runnings, a movie about a Jamaican bobsled team.)

Both of these are basic fears of the unknown.  Everyone has those.  But those are the two big ones.

I'm confidant in my abilities, but I think these fears have led to some self sabotage along the way, including my performance last semester.  And that's the one that hurts the most.  If I don't get in, that will be one of the big reasons I think.

Being as analytical as I am, I do have a backup plan at least.  I'm taking all the biotech courses at my community college, which are pretty interesting.  It won't quite be what I was hoping for, but having that backup plan does provide a shield to prevent a total breakdown.